Wise Old Bull

I don’t know if you all know the story about the Old Bull and the Young Bull on the hill, so I will tell it…the old bull and the young bull were on top of a hill looking down into the valley at a group of heffers.  The young bull says to the old bull; “Hey, hey, why don’t we run down the hill and screw one of those heffers!?”  The Old Bull just shakes his head; “Why don’t we walk down and screw them all!?”

 So why tell an old story you ask, well, an Old Bull happened to share some wisdom with me the other day.  While looking through the toy department with my daughter and my folks, I happened upon a group of dolls.  I couldn’t believe how creepy they looked with their larger-than-life foreheads.  So I pointed this fact out to my old man. 

Dad’s reply…”Foreheads?  Look at that one’s skirt!”

I love you, you love me….

My daughter is in to Barney these days.  She doesn’t ever really get to watch him much, but what little exposure she has had has really caught her attention.  Apparently my mother has been teaching her the Barney song - hence the title of this post.

I tried watching the purple fat-ass once.  They went through 10 topics in a span of maybe 2-3minutes.  It is no wonder kids these days are being diagnosed with ADD and ADHD when the shows they watch are promoting such behavior.  I think they sang a song, jumped/hopped around, played tag, cooked a meal, painted a house, played with a beach ball, dug a trench, decorated a cake, cut a heart out of construction paper and screamed in that 2-3 minutes.  It made my head spin.  If a stoner watched Barney I am sure it would kill them.

Ah Frick.

So I started things up again so I would write more.  It seems to help me clear my head and satisfies a small craving for some creativity.  But I haven’t really written shit yet.  I won’t insult us by promising to write more, I will try but that’s all I can say.

 Speaking of writing; I am going to be going back to school AGAIN next fall.  This time it will be an Advanced Studies Certification in Principalship.  It’s basically a masters degree, but by calling it an ASC I can utilize all of the credits towards my bigger goal of an EdD - or educational doctorate.  This is all for a desire to teach others how to be teachers.  So anyway, I have to write a 2page double spaced paper on critical issues facing education today.  I could write a book on this topic and I have to smush it onto 2 double spaced pages?  I have already written 2 pages on one of my two main topics and haven’t included a intro or closing paragraph.  My head hurts.

Early Out.

One of the benefits of my job.  “Early outs”  If you are from anyplace with snow growing up, you will remember the anticipation of sitting in class looking out at inclement weather.  Waiting, hoping, planning your afternoon of sledding or playing video games.  I still get to live these moments during the winter months.  Except now I look forward to shoveling (because I usually don’t get up early enough to do it in the morning) and taking a nap.

Today it’s lunch and a nap, I shoveled last night.  So, I will be thinking of you all, as my day is cut short but my pay isn’t while I watch Days of Our Lives and have beer with lunch.

The Crud

The Crud is go’in round my house.  I had it first, then after the holidays my daughter got it.  After 2 bouts of magic elixir, one for each of us, my Crud returned, with a new twist and fury.  On my second set of elixirs (this time totalling almost a hundy) I am almost cured.  Note that I said almost, I am still having some after Crud as is my daughter.  To top things off my pregnant wife is now Cruddy too.  Ug….I hate winter.

You know what they say…

Vote for Juan

This dude goes to my school    I am not kidding.  Well, I guess I kinda am, it’s not actually this Pedro, it’s the REAL deal.  We will call him Juan.  He looks, walks, and talks just like Pedro.  He has the thin stash, and slightly disturbing mushroom haircut.  I contemplated taking his photo, but figured it was some sort of violation.

During his run for class president everyone starting wearing  vote for Juan shirts.  The best part is when I saw him at a restaruant he was with this harem of mexican ladies.  He looked so proud walking around with his bootylicious women.

Most of this story is true, well at least the part about having a kid in school who resembles Pedro, and the mexican harem.

Ready Aim Fire

We have discoved a strange and somewhat humbling skill our 2 year old posesses; Farting on comand.  Actually we prefer tooting on command.  I would rather just use fart but that’s another post.  I cannot even fart…er….toot on command, so as a dude I am pretty impressed, which doesn’t say much. 

We discovered her super human feat a few weeks ago, I didn’t want to post about it until we had a second witnessing which happened yesterday afternoon.  You see I am not afraid to let one go on purpose, with a little gusto behind it.  So on both occasions I raised a cheek and tooted nice and loud.  My daughter pointed it out of course, she always does this, “Da-da toot!”  yep, dad tooted.  She then proceded to bear down and toot on her own.  “Addison toot!  Addison toot!” 

I am thinking of calling the folks at Heros to see if they need another super hero for the show.  Tooting on command is difficult unless you are OK with the potential of shitting your pants.  Apparently she isn’t, I suppose if she were potty trained at this point it may bother her, but since Da-da gets to change the diaper it’s time to fire away.  Addison toot!  Addison toot!

The Blaaaaazzzzzze….

My buddy just told me about a new radio station in the area: 102 The Blaze.

The Blaze?  Really?  He thought it sounded kinda queer.  I just think it sounds like a station for stoners in reference to lighting a big fatty.  Yeah man….the blaaaaaazzze.  Yeah yeah the blaze man, the blaze.

Stoned 24/7.  100% Stoned music for the stoned listener. The Dead, Phish, 311, Cypress Hill, etc.  I am sure you can all think of more, I am just too lazy at this point…..cuz I’m stoned - list’nin to The Blaaaze.  j/k 

Can’t take the heat.

So I was warned about my new classroom, about how cold it was.  It’s located on the north west corner of the building.  I was overjoyed when I heard this. I prefer my class to be cold, it keeps the kids awake (kinda winey, but awake). 

Much to my dismay, they somehow have fixed the heat down my way.  So it slowly but surely progresses from about 62 degrees at 7:30am to low 80’s by 1-ish.  I then procede to open my window to the below freezing weather outside. 

The 80 degree temps leave my kids sluggish and near zombie like.   As you look around the room it appears as if I am slowly gassing them with CO (that’s carbon monoxide…not Colorado)

To add insult to injury, within the last two days it sounds as if the red barron is doing circles in the hallway ceiling, which really helps keep kids awake.  You know, that monotonous drone. whhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr